Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
