Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
