i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Couch. On fire.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
