Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
