I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
