On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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