Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
