worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
