Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
