babies were throwing up all over the place
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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