I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
