I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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