dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
