Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
