Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
