I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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