Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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