be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
