I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So vagazzling was a success
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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