i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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