dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
