even my farts smell like vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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