Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
