RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
