i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
