do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
