Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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