Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
