even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
