xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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