so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
