That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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