The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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