It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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