I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
