If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
