While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
