If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
