Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
