Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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