he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
