my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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