"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
