shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
