I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
