she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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