aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
