i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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