all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
