remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
