my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
