I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
