RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
