Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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