Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
