how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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