2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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