Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
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